Alicia

How One Mom Pivoted Her Career to Create More Work-Life Balance

Inspirational Mom Story: How One Mom Pivoted Her Career to Create More Work-Life Balance

I sat down with a mom friend who had a successful career in Corporate America and, like myself, needed to pause to focus on her family when her little one got sick. She warned me that it would not be easy when I joined the same path. That was the first year I’d struggled to find my identity outside of work, and boy, was she right. I leaned on her advice weekly, which gave me hope when she returned to her job after a long hiatus and even pursued a passion side hustle in the interim that was successful. 

But career pivots are sometimes needed and necessary for moms especially. According to a LinkedIn study of 23K workers, over half (56%) of employees say they acquired or improved skills — such as problem-solving, communication, and budgeting — during a career break. And over half (54%) of women say they are better at their job than before.

Here is our Q&A about how taking a career pause felt during that time and her advice on getting through it.

Q: At what age were your kids when you decided to take a career break?

I was at my company for 17 years doing business consulting with external clients and also held internal roles as Chief of Staff and Finance Manager. My last role was an alliance role, managing a global alliance with one of our largest clients. I traveled to India, London, the Netherlands, the US, and globally to help build a joint go-to-market strategy between our organizations. 

During the time in the alliance role, my daughter was born. Around 2018, she started getting these cyclical fevers every month. The fevers spiked to 105 and 106, and there was no reason why these fevers kept happening. The pediatrician kept telling me she was fighting a virus, but no one else in the house was getting sick, and she was not in daycare. I was missing so much work to care for her, and not being home was getting stressful. So I quit to care for her and be home with my kids. 

Q: How long after leaving work did you decide to start your own company?

My work was my life. It was a big part of my identity, and I didn't realize HOW big it was until I quit. And so when I left, it was almost like I lost myself. It took me a while to get used to my new ‘normal’, and the first six months were hard. I didn't know what I wanted to do and needed clarity. I love my kids but wasn't used to always being home with them. So, I worked with a life coach, Sandra Posing. She's phenomenal. She helped me to take a step back and prioritize what was most important to me. And that's the one step I should have done while at work full-time. 

Stopping to ask myself: 

• What are your priorities, both in business and in life? 
• What do I want, and what do I love to do? 
• What is my passion? 
• If I could do anything in the world, what would I do? 

I started to dig deep, and I've always loved making floral arrangements. It's been a passion of mine, but I would do them for my house, and everyone would come over and say, you should start a business. And I was like, oh - that’s it! While working through my coach, I realized I could turn my passion into a business while still caring for my family. 

Q: Once you decided to start a floral business, how did you manage your priorities when creating your own company?

My number one priority was my kids. I wanted to be a present mother. I wanted to go to their baseball games. I want to take them to ballet practice. I want to see them grow. I want to be there to help them with their homework. And so, identifying those priorities and then understanding my passion was starting this new business for me. Once I was in the driver's seat and my kids’ calendars took priority, I could easily understand which orders I could fulfill and which would be too much. I managed the workload that worked for me, and I couldn’t have that freedom at the time with my role in Corporate America.

Q: How did you develop the right approach to starting your business?

I read the book Ten Year Plan by the founder of Tender Greens. He wrote about how it is tough to please everyone. You have your investors, you have your customers, you have your partners. But if you constantly stay centered on a human-centric customer relationship, and yes, profit means something, but it doesn't mean everything if you want to grow your brand. For instance, giving a 10% discount just so that I ensured customers loved it and would return helped me grow my brand. I've been very fortunate enough to have many clients return, and I have a few subscription clients I do weekly. It fell into place. And it falls into place if you have your priorities and goals defined and set up front and don't flex them. 

Q: What came next in building a tremendous floral business?

Once my customer was defined, I created my website. I hired a website developer. I got professional brand photography, where they took pictures of my work and then of me, and we put them all on our website. And so, really, the most significant lift for me was my website and then understanding the e-commerce side. How was I going to get paid without a brick-and-mortar shop? You have to rely on technology. So, I researched Square, Stripe, PayPal, etc. I went with Square because it was so easy and user-friendly. Everything, for me, had to be client-centric. It should be one touch simple and easy to order. And so, a good portion of my business start-up capital was used to build my website, and the rest was working capital. I made everything I put into my business back in one year!

Q: Back to your daughter — how is she doing now?

Fast forward two years, and we found out my daughter has a periodic fever syndrome. They're very rare; unfortunately, little research has been done to find the cause. Interestingly, there has been an uptick in the diagnosis of periodic fever syndromes after the pandemic, as many kids have been getting fevers for no reason. Given we were under lockdown and kids were not mingling at school, viruses were no longer a reason for the fevers. Hopefully, this will spark a case for more research on the causes and treatment for periodic fever syndromes, as it was such a challenge navigating our healthcare system to find answers for why my baby was so sick every month! We finally got to a great rheumatologist, where we met with many experts and received a diagnosis. After that, we created a plan to remove her tonsils and adenoids once she was old enough. So we had the surgery right after they started lifting the COVID restrictions, and she's been fever-free ever since.

Q: What’s next, and what advice do you have for moms going through similar situations?

In an odd turn, my employer returned to me after a 5-year hiatus and offered me a similar role with less travel. I took it, and it felt so good to come back. With the skills I had gained in growing my own business, I could now apply them within my role. For any career mom going through this, I’d offer that finding your community and sounding boards to help you create something for yourself will be challenging and different. Don’t lose yourself; find skills and flexible work that can work for you during that time. It all works out in the end, and you might gain other skills you couldn’t have by just doing the same thing. Think outside the box and keep your priorities clear.

My Thoughts on Creating a New Career Path

This is one of the many stories that inspired me to take the plunge and create something for myself when my son got sick. I thought about all my skills—friends who could help me and what I wanted to make for myself to fuel my passion each day. Part of that first step was ironing out the feasible amount of hours I could dedicate to it each week with limited help. 

I also considered gaps in my experience and where to invest in myself. I needed to be laser-clear on clients who would work for me after saying yes to many who did not. By ironing out my priorities and not jumping the gun, I finally created a work-life balance that worked better for my family and filled my cup. Community is also important! The workout crews I formed saved me from bouncing ideas and having an outlet for my thoughts each week as I reinvented my identity outside of full-time work. 

One place I immediately started as I set up to be the chief officer of our home was Parent School. There is a portable version for anyone to take it now. I wanted to be clear and consistent once I was at the helm each week. Check out that first episode about my favorite mantra and how it led me to create more calm at home and to start MomShine.

by Alicia

4 Mom Survival Tips That Help During Menopause

"I don't think of getting older as looking better or worse; it's just different. You change, and that's okay." – Heidi Klum, TV Host

As a woman entering my forties, I need all the help I can get related to hormone changes while parenting little ones through it. Most days, I get bouts of fatigue that feel intolerable, if not impossible, to power through—couple that with taking on more parenting responsibilities that are downright exhausting on their own and it can feel daunting getting through most days. I was glad a seminar popped up in my inbox to help.

The seminar was called Inner Piece Wellness on Metabolism and Menopause, and I joined a cohort of women to learn more about it each week in four 90-minute sessions led by my favorite Family Therapist and Founder of The Lab Method, Polly Ely, MFT, and an incredible Family Nurse Practitioner and Wellness Coach, Jill Baker. I went each week to get in front of all the body changes that I was experiencing every month that continued to progress and feel worse. Here are four takeaways I’ll lean on to get through my perimenopausal journey.

1) Work out to build muscles and bone density

According to the National Institute of Health, we lose a 3-8% average of muscle mass each decade after age 30. Couple that with becoming insulin resistant as our cortisol and estrogen take a mind of their own, and it can lead to endless fatigue and brain fog. With all that, glucose sits in our bodies longer, turning into fat. In addition to that, research indicates that up to 20% of bone loss can happen during menopause, and approximately 1 in 10 women over 60 are affected by osteoporosis worldwide. Since estrogen helps prevent bones from weakening by slowing the natural breakdown of bone, its reduction during menopause significantly speeds up bone loss. 

One way to ward off this vicious cycle is to focus more on building muscle a few days a week, protecting your bones and muscles from injury during this time. This means heavier weight and fewer reps within your workouts. It means working each muscle to exhaustion but for less time and heavier weight each time as you increase and repeat. This research comes from Dr. Stacey Sims in her lab, which found that it's far more effective to go heavy and harder with weights 2-3 days a week than to over-focus on cardio, where we put our muscle mass at risk and drive our cortisol up. She says on her website, How to Power Your Way Through Menopause: “During menopause, we lose the strength-building stimulus from estrogen.” 

Dr. Sims also advocates for plyometrics, which can stimulate bone AND muscle building. Plyometric training involves short, intense bursts of activity that target fast-twitch muscle fibers in the lower body. They can help with the physiological changes and help build bone strength, which we also lose during the menopausal transition. You can say hello to box jumps and burpees, which are ideal. Pounding and running are also suitable for bones as they create vibration. You can think of it as waking up some otherwise quiet genes inside your muscle cells to further improve the composition. And lastly — take days off! According to Jill, “The muscle-building process should be two to three hard workouts per week to avoid injury and give your body the time it needs to recover.”

What can women do about it?

Shift your workouts to building muscle versus getting lean. Cardio workouts are great and have a place, but as you age, strength and muscle-building workouts become far more essential to avoid injury and other joint aches and pain that come with menopause. Regarding your bone strength, requesting a DEXA scan from your healthcare professional once a decade was encouraged. Osteoporosis is a silent disease that can be extremely hard to detect. A DEXA scan can help gauge if you are at risk or if you could be silently experiencing the disorder. 

Lastly, as hormones in the body change or deplete, it’s also important to start incorporating daily vitamins like D, calcium, zinc, collagen, and even copper, which aids collagen absorption. As always, consult your practitioner, but these are all good brands and doses that I took note of:

• Vitamin D 1000-2000 IU; be sure to take earlier in the day for optimal effects 
• Calcium 1200 mg/day; a good brand is Thorne, which includes magnesium as well 
• Collagen. Jill says to beware if it says more than 20g/day in a dose, as it’s unnecessary. Also, bovine, marine sources or poultry sources are preferred. Fortibone is a proven collagen supplement with data to back it available in Sparkle's collagen for bones. If ordering through Momentus, you can enter jillbakerwellness at checkout for a special discount.

2) Eat more protein

We need 1.8 grams per kg of body weight. If you are at 127 lbs, that's 102 grams of protein daily, for example. Jenn Salib Huber talks about menopause nutrition on her website and advises clients to think about protein as a starring role in food to help them not get bogged down on counting protein portions per meal. “For example, a breakfast with 3/4 cup of greek yogurt would provide [15-25 gm] of protein as oatmeal with added peanut butter, chia and flax,” she writes. 

The American College of Sports Medicine reports that at least half your weight in grams of protein per day is the minimum needed to maintain and build muscle. That can be anywhere from 3-5 pieces of meat daily — which most days can be hard to come by without some planning involved. Jill recommends at least 30 grams of protein directly after a workout to get the desired effect for muscle building, too. If you can’t get the suitable protein needed 30 minutes before or after training, take MAP amino acids, which help to boost optimal protein levels. Though this won't get you to your protein goals, it will provide the building blocks for you until you can eat a more complete protein later.

What women can do about it?

Make an easy protein cheat sheet with familiar foods you like eating to determine if you are hitting your daily protein goals. My sample protein cheat sheet from a few Googles is below:

• Two eggs: 20 g protein 
• One tbsp of peanut butter: 4 g protein
• Two scoops of hemp seeds: 10 g protein
• One Fairlife protein shake: 30 g protein *I love these, and Costco carries them 
• One can of tuna: 42 g protein (average small can 21 g)
• Three slices of turkey: 24 g protein
• One large piece of salmon: 40 g of protein
• One chicken breast: 43 g protein
• One piece of filet mignon: 28 g protein

3) Focus on getting good sleep

According to the National Sleep Foundation, approximately 61% of menopausal women have sleep problems. Deep sleep can be hard to get but helps with processing testosterone and growth hormones, which also aid with building muscle. Grace Pien, M.D., M.S.C.E., an assistant professor of medicine at Johns Hopkins Sleep Disorders Center, says, “Many women experience sleep problems during perimenopause, the period before menopause when hormone levels and menstrual periods become irregular.” Often, this sticks around through the transition and afterward, but there is help. 

Pien continues that women should aim for seven and eight hours of sleep quality or uninterrupted sleep per night. Hot flashes can also play a part and be an unpleasant sensation, but they are common. Pien further explains that women wake before the hot flash occurs due to changes in the brain that lead to the hot flash itself. But, even women without “hot flashes” report sleep disturbances that they didn’t experience before. Sleep apnea can also occur due to the loss of reproductive hormones like progesterone and estrogen. “Post-menopausal women are two to three times more likely to have sleep apnea than premenopausal women,” says Pien. Depression and anxiety can also come into play with sleep deprivation. 

What women can do about it?

Grab yourself an Oura ring and think about meditation before bed. Do what you can to get long stretches of sleep, and take it easy during the days when you can’t. You can become a ‘one less thing’ kind of girl versus a ‘one more thing’ girl and take something off that never-ending to-do list.

4) Fast for your brain 

Two times the number of women develop Alzheimer’s versus men. Many factors play in. For one, we live longer than men on average, and Alzheimer’s develops at later ages. But menopause also causes some shifts that play a part, too. Recent studies find that the brain could be the leading cause of symptoms throughout menopause versus our ovaries.

So what’s going on? One shift is our brain volume lessens as we age. It also becomes more focused on shifting from glucose focus to lipid (i.e., fat) focus as estrogen, responsible for moving glucose into cells, starts to decrease. But even the age you go into menopause can play a part. One hundred and fifty thousand women entered a study in the UK and found that women who go into menopause at 45 or younger are at more significant risk for memory loss.

What women can do about it?

This may sound cheesy, but playing games like cards with your kids can significantly help improve your chances for less memory loss. Also, a simple mechanism of adopting a fasting routine can help. Fasting for 12-18 hour intervals, which can coincide with sleep, allows the clean-up crew to come in. Cells start regenerating in ways they can’t do otherwise, which wards off autophagy, a natural cell degradation. 

You can also tweak any fasting routine to fit your social lifestyle, but even trying to do this four days a week can play a significant role in helping your body and mind stay sharp. An incredible diagram by Dr. Dale Bredesen can be found in The End of Alzheimer’s book and is copied below for another easy cheat sheet to think about food and daily diet for the mind.

Final Thoughts: Things I’ll Do Differently to Aid with Menopause

Connecting with your deeply held and uncomfortable emotions is essential as irritability increases. The sad news with menopause or perimenopause symptoms is that it can lead to grief. We now must grapple with the grief that our “prime” is over, that we don’t feel the way we used to, and that phases of our life that we loved are over. We struggle to feel the same way we used to, that our bodies might not look the same, and that things that used to excite us suddenly seem gray. 

One way to help this grief is to connect with those deeper emotions underneath and any feelings you might be experiencing. Stop plowing through a to-do list that might get you all jacked up feeling so productive, and add in a pause to see what feelings you could be shoving down or avoiding as a result. Compulsive busyness can protect us from feeling the deep emotions that come with this new phase of life. Instead, slow down and give those feelings space to be released through tears to return to feeling vital and alive. When in doubt, lean on this cheat sheet and research products I noted that can help during this time.  As always, check with medical professionals or someone you trust to ensure these remedies are right for you.

• Revaree is a hyaluronic acid vaginal moisturizer to use in between intercourse.
• Uberlube is a silicone-based lube that doesn’t create further dryness.
• Intrarosa needs a prescription but is the only vaginal non-estrogen treatment for moderate to severe painful sex during menopause. It does contain DHEA, which can be converted into estrogen in the body, so be sure to discuss it with a professional.
• Madorra is a breakthrough home device that uses ultrasonic waves along the vaginal canal to help with lubrication.
• Clearblue Menopause Indicator is brand new on the market to assess where you are in your menopause journey. It is only beneficial if you can do it repeatedly to gauge where you are in the process.
• Oura Ring is a fantastic product that helps track sleep, fitness goals, and even cycle management to help during perimenopause. 

The Let's Talk Menopause website also has a menopause-trained providers page to find someone trained to treat these symptoms.

by Alicia

Liver, A Miracle Supplement for New Moms: Here’s Why

I kept hearing about liver as a miracle supplement in many podcasts I listened to. It all came to a head when a dear friend brought it up as a wonder pill she took to get through postpartum. Yep - it was liver! She explained that when she married her husband, she joined a family deeply rooted in Asian culture, and that expanded her learning about culinary routines, traditions, and wellness, especially after giving birth to four kids in five years. Yes, you read that right. Four kids in five years!

As her mother-in-law of Chinese descent helped care for her during this time, she would make traditional Chinese dishes for her post-delivery. This included nourishing broths with traditional herbs and ingredients that replenished her blood, chi, and more. According to Dr. Serrallach, most new mothers often lack crucial vitamins to function, like iron, vitamin B12, zinc, vitamin C, vitamin D, magnesium, and copper. 

One thing I was shocked about as she told me about liver was that it had many benefits to help cure these deficiencies after birth. It even helps kids who might be deficient in these areas. According to WebMD, the liver is one of the most nutritionally dense foods on the planet, with significant amounts of iron, riboflavin, vitamin B12, vitamin A, and copper, and can be incredibly beneficial when consumed in the right quantities. Eating a single serving a few times a week can help you meet your daily recommended amounts of these vitamins and minerals, reducing your risk of nutrient deficiency.

Did you know that some sources suggest your baby's first food should be organic liver? Solid Starts recommends beef and chicken liver, which babies need for building immune systems, eye development, and skincare. Yet if in high amounts, it is not recommended, so knowing the right amount and type of liver is critical.

I first read more material about this miracle organ and supplement that now a good friend had claimed worked. She recommended the book Super Nutrition for Babies to me, and I was inspired by their recommendations for building good nutrition habits in the first 24 months. I then researched reputable vendors that provided high-quality and organic sources of the liver. Knowing that New Zealand provides a clean source of meat, my friend came across Enviromenica, which offers organic capsules to try and sprinkles onto my kids’ food to provide them with the benefits without them noticing. So, during those first few months and years after birth, she ate the traditional Chinese dishes her mother-in-law provided, incorporating these liver capsules, and felt terrific!

The benefits of eating beef or chicken liver once to a few times per week are: 

• Feeling balanced, calm, and nourished.
• Having clarity of mind.
• Enjoying better sleep.

I also checked with my pediatrician, nutritionist, and compounding pharmacist. They agreed that giving to kids every so often was okay to aid with sleep, avoid colds, and boost energy throughout the day.

So the next time you feel deficient in some of these areas — try liver! One of my favorite local spots in Marin (The Farm Shop) serves it on the menu. And it was delicious. As always, consult your doctor on the right product and amounts for you and if you want your little one to enjoy it. 

by Alicia

3 Tips to Finding the Balance Between Work and Family

When we become moms, our physiology dramatically changes. And as a mom, I don’t know about you — but with each birth, my brain got foggier and more challenging to maneuver afterward. 

One study points to a decrease in gray matter in the area of moms' brains that is responsible for social cognition. This brain area is “important for healthy cognition across people's lifespan and is “centrally involved in many functions including spatial navigation, episodic memory, and stress regulation.” Effects of this depletion are cited among other studies to be prevalent in those first two years after birth, and little research has been done on those long-term effects.

But when I became a mom three times over, I didn’t realize remembering things, name recall, managing anxiety, and even being able to pack a car well might be impacted. But here we are, and then add a tripledemic to a mom's brain, and you can have some real fun. 

Here’s what you need to know about getting through a foggy mom's brain and how you can more easily balance work and family afterward.

Take the Time You Need to Be With Your Little One

Abigail Tucker, mom of 4 and author of Mom Genes: Inside the New Science of Our Ancient Maternal Instinct, has extensively researched this topic. “The hormones of pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding prompt a host of genetic changes that ultimately shift our brain architecture,” writes Tucker. Though many women are motivated to return to themselves after birth, it’s impossible to return to our pre-pregnancy brains, two other scientists from the University of British Columbia confirm.

A recent 2021 study measured the cognitive function of pregnant women in their second and third trimesters. The study found “an impairment in memory among pregnant women” and noted that language skills, particularly naming, were also diminished. On the flip side, the brain acquires a new skill set, some of which aids in the protective skills needed to care for our infants. Tucker cites a 2016 study showing that the most significant drops in gray matter lead to women's warmest relationships with their babies. 

The takeaway?

Take the time you need to be patient with yourself and bond with your little one as much as possible. The work and the names of things you need to get to when you return will be there. Find ways to carve out time for the things that matter to you so you can adjust and be patient as your brain adapts and molds to the new needs in your life. 

Focus on Longer Term Efficiency, Not Immediate

As a manager of many years, I've realized that a working mom will not waste a single minute of the day. The brain restructures to prepare you for all the juggling that motherhood will throw your way. Dr. Louann Brizendine, the author of The Female Brain, states that brain shrinkage (about 4% diminished brain volume during pregnancy) is a sign of brain circuits that are being restructured in preparation for their being changed from “one-lane highways” into “superhighways.” She says to think of it as restructuring for greater efficiency.

When studied in animals, research shows that those mothers were more stress-resistant and had enhanced memory and cognition in the long run. Although the brain might be disorganized initially, it leads to a more efficient and focused brain. 

The takeaway? 

Focus on a few things daily to get through, knowing that the brain is restructuring. Set realistic goals and targets at home and work to ramp up as you adjust to being a new mom.

Restructure Your Career to Work for You

A study published by the American Psychology Association (APA) found through interviewing 1,364 moms that moms with part-time jobs tend to be happier during their children’s infancy than moms who stay at home. And yet, more millennials than ever are opting to be stay-at-home, citing a lack of work-life balance as a critical reason.

After having three kids, I also had to go part-time and create a new career pathway to maneuver my priorities. My son couldn’t do daycare due to his asthma, and when we kept landing in the ER, we knew something had to change. Luckily, my husband’s career had picked up, and I was able to take on some freelance clients for a bit after my second company was acquired. But here is how I stayed balanced when my priorities began shifting.

3 Tips to Strike the Balance Between Work and Family

1. Keep your personal objectives front and center.

Ensure that you are never sacrificing your personal goals for your career. This can lead to resentment and other long-term adverse effects if you do. Always keep your personal objectives front and center, and find companies that will align with them. “I think what has helped me the most in finding success and fulfillment is having a clear head, defined set of values and goals, and paying attention to my family and business,” says Abby Ha, Head of Marketing at WellPCB.

2. Fold your kids into your work life.

Wolfe Herd, 31 and the youngest CEO to take a company (Bumble) public brought her son to the occasion and had him help while ringing the virtual NASDAQ bell. When interviewed about it, she said being a mom is “harder than an IPO.” I think it’s crucial to show companies that we have many facets of our lives that we can weave into work instead of keeping them separate. Growing up with a dentist and teacher, I can affirm that seeing them work and be happy doing what they loved inspired me to always follow in those footsteps. I try as much as possible to bring my kids into my writing world or them to the podcast recording studio where they can also learn and be a part of it.

3. Ask kids which activities matter and let go of the rest.

Getting caught up, overdelivering, and over-committing on kids' activities is easy. After all, there are so many great things to pick from. But remember that of the nearly 8 million U.S. students participating in high school athletics, only 6 percent eventually compete as National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) athletes. Instead of over-indexing on sports for them, concentrate on quality over quantity. Show up when it matters to your kid and let go of the rest. 

Other advice, which may feel obvious, is to spend one-on-one time with your kid each day and make sure that comes first. It could be as simple as 15 minutes where your partner takes one, you take the other, and you switch kids the next day. Or ensure that workouts are scheduled for self-care at the start of the week. 

Ann Wojcicki, CEO of 23andMe and the sister of YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki swears about keeping fit and doing one thing for yourself daily. It could be biking to and from work or scheduling walks. Lastly, get your kids involved at home, whether in pet care, helping with the dishes, or doing their part to pick up after themselves. 

These healthy habits will help your brain, ensuring your head is clear, and you can juggle the best of both worlds through the cloudiest moments. If you want more advice on selecting suitable activities for your kid, check out our other post on time management for kids' activities for some guidance!

by Alicia

4 Steps to Make Sure You Prioritize Self-care by Taking a Mom Retreat

At the airport, I realized it had been five years after nearly a decade of raising kids that I was taking a break from my family and spending some much-needed time with me. Yes — 5 years! Between COVID and the last few years of struggling in and out of hospitals to figure out my son's breathing problems, I couldn’t find the time sooner. Yet, in the week leading up, I found my chest heavy and a feeling like I couldn’t do it. I could have been waking up at 3 a.m. to the sound of my son being unable to breathe again (I guess we’re back in croup season early!) OR the nagging inside me that the house wouldn’t be able to operate without me. But I and many other moms must do it, too. Why? The benefits to yourself and your family are far too worth it; everyone will benefit.

The benefits you'll see when you prioritize self-care 

• Time to reflect on your path — the highs, the lows, and anything you might be hanging onto that isn’t serving you
• Getting a much-needed hygiene routine back in place
• Nourishing yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally 
• Everyone misses you and realizes that they can take on more of what you always do around the house
• Showing your kids (especially daughters) that moms deserve a breakaway

Here are some tips that helped me through the need to get my time with myself, some mom friends, and mother nature to feel like a real human being again.

Step 1 — Stock the house with the essentials 

The panic leading up started dissipating as I tried to make all the essentials for the kids and the household accessible before I left. And no, not the ones that are easy to deliver via Instacart or DoorDash. That can all get sorted out. The ones I knew my spouse would not have the patience to figure out and deal with and likely need while I was gone, like my son’s inhaler medication that is hard to get at some pharmacies. And in doing so, I learned how difficult some essentials are to find — like children’s Tylenol or Motrin. I had seen a little bit about this on the news but hadn’t entirely realized that Children’s Motrin was the new TP or formula shortage type of product. I drove around a few stores, ensuring my kids’ midnight Tylenol and Motrin doses were stocked. 

Don’t forget pet essentials if you are in this boat! I, of course, ensured diapers and wipes were on the ready for my almost 2-year-old, but I also knew my husband would not be driving around to get our rabbits the only hay they like  — nor does he care to, which is fair. They are my responsibility with the kids when I’m home. I ensured our dog’s senior food was in ample supply to help her joints while I was away. Check and check! Once I did my constant “mom scenario of anything that could happen list” and ensured all living creatures could be kept alive through most of those pathways — I felt better about leaving.

Step 2 — Start enabling your kids to help more before you leave

I don’t know about you other moms out there, but for me — I do too much for my kids, which can almost border on a disservice to their growth and maturity. I get frustrated asking for the same things repeatedly and resentful at times, then find a way to do it myself to live up to the OCD life I demand of all of them. But before you go — start changing all of that! Or better — keep that changed when you get home.

One example was to have our girls take over the bunny care in our house. It all came to a head right before my trip when, for over 12 hours, the bunnies had no water after all my motivational pep talks to step it up, and I’d had enough. My husband and I decided to devise a plan: Assign our six and 9-year-old days and let them live up to the responsibility they strived for when we said yes to these furry creatures. If by the end of the month and on my trip, they couldn’t feed and keep them clean and Dad and I could go back to chasing a toddler, we were finding new homes one by one. Harsh, I know, but you know what — I felt that weight lift off me as I started packing my favorite swimsuits and yoga leggings for Mexico. And we threw some extra incentives like a candy store run or extra movie night once they hit the mark. Win for everyone! And I came home to a beautifully clean bunny hutch and thriving animals.

Enable Your Kiddos Tip #1 — Think of where they aren’t stepping up enough in the house to help your partner while you are away and alleviate your worries. Put extra incentives that work for your kids around it to ensure they get it done.

Step 3 — Sit with your spouse and go over the schedule 

I’ve learned in a few couples therapy sessions that good communication is the key to happiness in most marriages. We’ve tried and failed at a million co-parenting calendars via digital techniques. The best one is always to sit down once a week after the kids go to bed and talk through all the many decisions we, as moms, unilaterally make for our kids and ensure they can do all that while you are away. And not to say my husband doesn’t do his part, but there are just things I do regularly that I know will be a nightmare for him and take him more time to figure out while I’m gone that a quick meeting can solve. 

So talk through everything and go through each day you are away. Arm your husband with the numbers to the neighbors to call in case of emergency, and for me — having point people to help him on the ready was vital for this trip, especially when he went down with vertigo the very next day after I left. Luckily, it also wasn’t an overly heavy kid-scheduled weekend, but even if it was — another mom is happy to help and give to that mom karma circle that allows us all to get our much-deserved and needed time to unplug.

Enable Your Spouse Tip #1 — Talk through the kid's schedule, help in place, what to pay for the help in the area, and any questions that might arise and that you typically handle.

Step 4 — Rethink how you pack for one

Packing is always a pain in the butt. I’m starting to have my kids lay out their things before trips, but I check everything and pack for everyone. The craziest thing about a mom retreat is that the time is plenty or moves differently, I should say when you aren’t frantically worrying about everything for everyone and just caring for yourself. Bring that book you’ve wanted to read for a year. For me, I brought notes and emails I hadn’t looked at in weeks and my computer to sit by the ocean and, you know — write this. But get what makes you happy. Those facial products I never have time to do or the supplements that make my body feel great when I remember to take them. Whatever it may be. The only thing I wound up being pissed about is double the sun hats, not realizing that when it’s just you — suddenly, those things aren’t hard to carry and maneuver through an airport.

Some books I’ve loved reading lately for inspiration are…

• Big Magic
• High Achiever
• 7 Husbands of Evelyn Hugo
• The Great Alone
• Verity

I almost canceled the retreat due to the never-ending “what if” mom fears inside me, and I’m so glad I didn’t and got much-needed time to myself. I hope I do it more often. Frolicking through waves, catching a few, staying up late chatting over wine and tequila, sitting by the fire, going in the hot tub too much, and listening to the waves during yoga as I let go of my need to control things is the best thing I could have done, and I’m sure for any mom. I returned to my house and my humans and my farm here more patient, fulfilled, and ready to crush the many demands of this everyday mom of three life.

Some helpful questions to ask as you plan a mom’s getaway:

• What are my core passions? 
• What makes me happy when I’m away from my kids or have extra time?
• Who will do those things with me, or am I okay with going completely alone?
• What trips, destinations, and retreats like what I’m looking for exist? 
• When are the retreats, and do they align with our family’s schedule?
• Can I afford to book it? Then ensure that trip and never look back!

Pro Tip for Mom Retreaters — Squaremouth Insurance company was great to work with in case I had to move around anything last minute, which thankfully I did not.

Did I convince you? Check out Forbes' top 25 mom retreats in California, and start rallying your mom friends to join you somewhere soon. Lean on this article when your mind says no, and do it anyway. Your family will thank you. You will Thank you. Namaste!

by Alicia