Parenting Advice: 5 Questions to Discuss Before Setting Up Your Estate Plan
One thing is sure: the real fun in accounting and time management begins after having kids. That’s why having your ducks in a row is essential before growing your family. Unforeseen things can happen to them if not, and as parents — these challenging conversations help ensure your peace of mind and their safety in every potential scenario.
According to a survey in April 2022, only 33% of Americans have put these estate plans in place, meaning as much as 67% still need to. By thinking through all the awful scenarios that could happen and pragmatically making the best decisions for your children, you’re ensuring the very best for them so you can sleep easier at night.
This post helps cover some basic concepts and definitions as you get started.
Definitions You Need to Understand When Setting up an Estate Plan
What is a trustee?
A person or member of a board given control or powers of property administration in trust with a legal obligation to administer it solely for the specified purposes.
What are beneficiaries?
A person who derives advantage from something, especially a trust, will, or life insurance policy.
What are the different types of trusts?
Revocable trusts
These are the most common types of trusts because provisions can be altered or canceled depending on the wishes of the grantor or the originator of the trust. In other words, you can change this living trust while alive. Only after death does property transfer to the trust's beneficiaries.
Irrevocable Trusts
Any trust where the grantor cannot change or end the trust after its creation. These have the most protections in terms of taxes and any lawsuits if they were applicable.
Testamentary Trusts
A specific type of trust that's created as part of a last will. A grantor (the trust's creator) leaves instructions in their will for a named executor detailing how their assets are managed by a trustee and distributed to beneficiaries.
What is the benefit of setting up a trust for my family?
The most significant benefit to setting up a trust is that finances and the distribution of your estate can flow seamlessly without going through the probate process. The probate process is long, costly, intrusive, and governed by statutes that may not mirror your desires or intentions. The most important thing is to ensure you’ve thought through all the tough decisions so that this doesn’t happen and your kids deal with a drawn-out process.
Here are some questions to discuss with your spouse for the most productive meeting with an estate attorney.
5 Questions to Answer Before Setting Up Your Estate Plan
1. Who would take the kids if something happened to you both, and multiple scenarios after that? In other words, do you have a first choice, and if a member of that family were to pass, a second choice?
It’s good to have a first choice of who kids would go to if something happened to you, but also a secondary option if the dynamic of that situation changed. For instance, if you choose a parent, what would it look like if one of them were to pass? Would you want the same option or move to another one if you strongly feel two figures are necessary? If it’s someone on your spouse’s side, is there a counterparty on your side that you want included? Again, this is to spread the responsibility and choices during tough times and ensure both voices are around and present to make those sound decisions in your absence.
These are complex discussions, but ensure the people taking on the responsibility don’t have to make these choices or get put in a tricky spot if something changes. The estate plan sets forth all your wishes for your children in advance.
2. Who will be responsible for the finances if something happens to you both? Is it one person or multiple people?
This can be the same person(s) that become guardians, your kids, or someone separate. They can also be split between parties, so you have sounding boards and a checks and balance system if that’s important to you.
3. At what age will your kids have access to funds, and who is responsible for making decisions until then?
Everyone has different financial situations; some may see firsthand the result if funds are given to kids too early. Ensure you have a plan for how your finances are distributed to your children and when they receive access. You can parse through this and again take the work out of it for whoever becomes responsible for making these decisions for your children.
4. If something happened to your spouse, who’s responsible for making decisions about your life?
Some examples could be picking a sibling or parent or another trusted party that can make decisions on your life if your spouse isn’t able to for some reason. You can also spell out if you’d like your organs to be donated or not and note in your doctor’s file your estate plan so they know what to reference if needed in the future.
5. How many opinions, if any, do you want them to have before making decisions on your life?
Some unique clauses to draw out might be how many doctors you want them to consult or for what duration of time they have to decide to help again; it is more pragmatic during any tough time or situation that were to occur.
Final Thoughts on Setting Up an Estate Plan for Your Family
These are all things that you can have in place so that even if something were to happen, your kids are well cared for and not dealing with financial or emotional nightmares. After drawing all this up with a trust attorney and signing, it is essential to ensure the appropriate people have access to the information or know where to find it. There are also services now to file online. These estate plans are living and breathing documents you can change and amend over time. We hope this helps you with the tools getting started.
For something more light-hearted after reading this, check out our latest episode on the Digital Wellness Revolution that just dropped on MomShine.
Getting Involved in the Digital Health and Wellness Revolution
If there was one thing I wanted after doing my last show (The Social Media Fairytale), it was to create a healthier relationship with my device and better enable my kids to do the same. However, I needed a framework and a coach to help me maneuver how to do that. The great news is that I found a digital guru who has harnessed the power of social media for the greater good.
Her name is Larissa May, or as she goes by, Larz, and in 2020, she was named a Business Insider rising star in her brand marketing for your role in launching multiple million-dollar ventures in the products Otherland and Kin Euphorics. She also founded #HalftheStory, an organization that empowers teens to have healthier relationships with how they engage and use social media.
What Is Digital Health and Wellness?
Citrix describes digital wellness as “the pursuit of an intentional and healthy relationship with technology, both in the workplace and personal life.” But as moms, it can feel hard to disconnect when so many parenting-related items are connected to our phones, like playdate and sports coordination, calendars, school newsletters, etc. I was excited to pick Larz’s brain on what parents could do to get more involved in the Digital Wellness Revolution. Here are five simple ways to get involved after interviewing her in episode 207 of the MomShine podcast.
5 Ways to Develop and Join the Digital Wellness Revolution
1) Put an end to passive scrolling for improved digital well-being
Changing your approach from passive to intentional is a significant difference in using social media. Recognize the importance of transparency and visibility into personal lives and how to leverage it as a business tool. A new approach to posting could be sharing valuable information about how to use AI to support wellbeing or better ways to free up more of your time to do what you love as a mom. Posting purposefully can help shift why we are all drawn to these apps.
We can also liken the screentime conversation to a similar conversation about climate change. According to Larz, there are many parallels between the two. One is how we measure and quantify our wellness on digital to our carbon footprints. Similar to how the climate crisis came about with capital means as an end cause, devices are no different, and not all screen time can be treated the same. The difference in the outcome of your digital and emotional experience is rooted in whether or not you have an intention while doing it.
Questions to ask yourself: How much time are you online versus offline? How does your device play a part in your quality of life? We can start teaching mindful consumption by asking ourselves these questions. We set these bars for physical and sexual wellness and can always make modifications as we go. Instead of being victims to the system, teach kids to be players in the game instead.
2) Educate yourself on how to take back your digital well-being and online agency
Our kids are the products right now, and there’s a lot of room to grow and improve. Educating yourself and including curriculum around technology in school systems can help, and this is why Larz started #HalftheStory, a non-profit dedicated to empowering the next generation's relationship with social media. #HalfTheStory has become a leading youth 501(c)3, receiving over 30,000 stories from 99 countries worldwide.
When CBS reported that tech companies made $11B from kids on social media in 2022 alone, it’s important to ask kids how they’re using it and for them to understand the capitalist game they’re a part of. More policies can help protect our kids. Last year, in California, Larz worked with Gavin Newsom on the California AB1394 bill to get that passed. This bill is to get tech companies to put more defense mechanisms around sex trafficking and very harmful content deemed as sexual abuse on the internet, which is a low stake. It’s just an example of how far we are behind and actually protecting young people in the digital world, so Larz is spending a lot of time thinking about this approach with big tech.
Do we need to take more of a climate approach to build more bills and incentivize tech companies to invest in mental health instead of just having them be on defense and paying fees to the government? Could there be bills around algorithmic monitoring? This is difficult, especially in a state like California that depends on multi-billions in debt and relies on tax dollars from these tech companies. The state is a business, too. Understanding both sides and bringing together minds in psychiatry, technology, and the economy could be the best approach to seeing all sides of the coin. At least with this newest bill, the state can hold tech accountable if a photo or content is submitted to respond within 36-48 hours to remove it if it directly harms someone.
Lastly, AI is coming fast and swiftly with more technology to disrupt the industry. On the side, I write in cybersecurity, and the speed at which things move is fascinating. Deepfakes are videos kids can make to impersonate others in minutes. Just one was done to impersonate Joe Biden, and brand impacts can be devastating. Taylor Swift herself was a recent victim as well. There was even an instance when Larz heard of a dad who said his son worked in security, and someone made a deepfake of him saying something that he didn't say. The video was luckily intercepted before it was received in his college applications. Parents need to know how to help kids protect against these issues in the future.
3) Be a positive tech influence — show your kids what digital health is
Unfortunately, the onus will remain on parents to have the most substantial positive and negative influence on our kids regarding tech. We can’t wait for some person in a marble tower to pass a bill that might save our kids. It requires us to build that support ecosystem within our schools and find parents with like-minded screen time goals so that when you send your kids to a friend's house, you know there’s a mindful approach to screen time and app usage. There’s also solace in knowing that you’ll be responsible, and only then can you work to be as much of an expert and support within your school and community as possible to cultivate positive outcomes.
4) Digital health resources: Join the waitlist for Social Media U
The #HalftheStory program started in 2020, working with researchers and curriculum writers to build a scaffold of a journey from 6th grade through high school. Three initial pilots were launched in the public school areas in San Rafael and Terra Linda, and some positive outcomes have resulted from those initial pilots.
For instance, 90% of middle and high school students would refer the program to their friends, and Larz is even exploring some potential statewide rollouts. The great thing about the program is it also offers night sessions for caregivers and educators to get up to speed regardless of their current knowledge in tech.
Their goal is to be able to serve a million students by 2028. It also doesn’t need to be only in school environments. It could also involve after-school programming like Girl Scouts, which they’re also piloting in the Bay Area to develop their next phase to scale. The goal is to create more positive experiences in the plight of more digital well-being.
5) Digital wellness activities: Participate in the Global Day of Unplugging
Mark your calendars cause Larz also helped to elevate the Global Day to Unplug on the 1st Friday in March. The goal is to stay off any application for 24 hours. This is just another way to start making digital changes. Kim Cavallo, Co-founder and Executive Director of Unplug Collaborative said the goal of this day is to take the shame out of this day to disconnect or reconnect with life. “It’s about making active choices and not being on your phone for 24 hours,” says Larz. Take the pledge online and note that there are workplaces and school toolkits to make this a phenomenal opportunity for us all.
Final Thoughts on Digital Health and Wellness
While writing in HR Tech for over a decade, I hope every organization takes note and makes this a massive opportunity in the coming year to reset some boundaries related to our devices and encourage parents and employees to re-engage in things they love. I can’t help but wonder if the rising epidemic in mental health could be related to phones and devices. When I sit at lunch at times, it’s hard to find people not buried in them these days, and I’m trying to make more active choices to stop doing that.
Opening up the dialogue about digital wellbeing can go a long way in helping kids form healthier relationships with devices from the get-go. Teach them that real connections and experiences can’t be replaced but that their device does serve a purpose. Guide them to use it effectively and not passively. This movement is not meant to minimize how many of us make a living. It’s how I’m getting this message to you and how a lot of us receive our news, so make it count when you are on it!
Scroll with purpose, and when in doubt or if you’re wondering where to start, we have an excellent Family-friendly Tech Agreement to help get that conversation going without shame or negating how your kids feel throughout the process. Listen to my complete and delightful interview with Larz on Apple or Spotify.
Let’s all work together to make this mental health crisis trend in a better direction. We can all do our part today!
3 Women's Advice to Putting an End to Mom Guilt
A few things came to mind when a mom friend and former colleague asked if I could cover how to cope with mom guilt. A feeling I knew all too well, and I learned many others do, too. Seventy-eight percent of mothers feel guilty for not spending enough time with their kids. And it’s not uniquely related to working. A study in the UK found that more than half of moms feel guilty partaking in self-care activities, like soaking in a bath or going to work out.
In my exercise of trying to feel better as I dove into more mom life, I found that the more women I talked to, the less alone I felt. I learned how to take the time to prioritize what I needed in any downtime I had and in the stuff that I never had time to do while immersed in building startups, like attending a school around parenthood and two seminars on how to take care of my health as I aged.
I began to feel better as I took the time to be present and reprioritize what was important to me. As Yvette Wu, cofounder and CEO of Yield Exchange, an investment marketplace for wholesale GICs, shares: “It’s time we recognize how expansive the role of a mother is and be more supportive of the value it brings both in and outside of the workplace.”
Though there is no right or wrong in your approach, I loved hearing what other women had to share to help their journey to prevent and reframe their guilt.
1) Reframe your thoughts.
Tackling mom guilt is tough. It’s often built on beliefs we have been telling ourselves from a young age as we observe parents, friends, and media. Layered on top are the pressures of modern motherhood, that society has unrealistic expectations of women with children. We are meant to be perfect moms, partners, and businesswomen. So, is it any wonder we are feeling conflicted? If we lean into one role, we are led to believe we neglect the other. Many systemic issues need addressing, and I always recommend following Moms First and Chamber of Mothers for advocacy tools.
To help mothers who are struggling now, I suggest modifying those feelings of guilt into something more productive through a reframe. Instead of saying, ‘I feel guilty because I’m [fill in the blank],’ say, ‘I made this choice because [fill in the blank.]’ By owning your choices, you will begin to recognize that while systemically operating amongst competing priorities through no fault of your own, you are doing your best to give each of those priorities attention when needed.
-Jessica M. Hill, Founder, The Parent Collective
2) Own and accept your choices while lowering expectations.
It took me a long time to find my stride as a mom with a career, and I struggled with guilt for a long time. I don't anymore. I've stopped feeling guilty about everything I can't do because I work and started to feel proud of everything I can do personally, professionally, and financially. I learned that "showing up" can happen in many different ways. And finally, I've just let go of a lot.
Everyone is at a different place in their journey. Below are the three things I've learned along mine that may help you along yours:
1) Embrace your ambition: Doing what you need to do to be fulfilled and to support your family is nothing to feel guilty about. It's something to feel great about. What changed it for me was a conversation with my oldest son when he was in Junior High. I asked him if he ever felt bad that I wasn't a mom who was always home, and he said, "No, because then you wouldn't be my mom."
2) Be flexible and creative: Accept that there is an inherent tension between work and home. You can't do both at the same time. That doesn't mean you have to miss out on the moments that are important to you. When my middle son was in junior high, he loved Fortnight. He downloaded it onto my computer, and when I traveled, we'd find an hour that worked for us to play together each day. Today, if I can't make a game or event, I try to have someone record it, and then I can watch it with them later and have them tell me all about it. When they were younger, I'd download some of their favorite books on my Kindle and read bedtime stories over Facetime.
3) Give yourself some grace: You can't create more time. You can't do more. But you can lower your expectations to make more space for grace toward yourself, your kids/family, and your dreams.
-Kirsten Davidson, Managing Partner at Employera
3) Prioritize your values and core beliefs.
Own your weekdays from 9 to 5 and make them uniquely yours. Seize the opportunity to do work that resonates with your core beliefs and values. Embrace this time as a canvas for personal growth, prioritizing yourself as a human first and your other roles within the house separately.
A great way to prioritize YOU is by taking a few hours away from your usual routine and escaping to your happy place alone. I prefer immersing myself in nature. Once you arrive at your comfortable home, sit down with a notebook and craft a vivid professional vision of what you want your role to look like 3 or 5 years from now. Envision your job title, income, and daily contributions. Picture the colleagues beside you, your daily routine, and the fulfilling emotions tied to your work. Having this clear vision is crucial—it serves as your roadmap. To navigate your current role, align your daily decisions with your future vision. Opt for opportunities that propel you closer and disregard those that divert you. Keep your future vision close and stay unwaveringly focused on it. Only by doing so can you feel fulfilled and show up both at work AND for the other people you love.
-Nikki Lindgren, Managing Partner at Pennock Digital Agency
Doing Our Part to Put an End to Mom Guilt
Systemic issues will need to change before women can put away the guilt that our society is designed to create. A few important things to note are more support in childcare and leave policies, equal division of household work, and flexible work options, which will all help. But I’m hopeful when I see that more women than before are showing up in political leadership positions based on recent research, and women are holding 35% of leadership positions.
Women need to have these positions as it allows for various perspectives. The more we do the work to change how we accept our roles, own them, and envision clear paths for our fulfillment in the future that we don’t negotiate, the more we can show society, and more importantly, our children, that we own our choices and that the guilt doesn’t serve anyone.
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7 Great Podcasts for Parents
As I started my podcast, I became a consumer of the many podcasts out there, trying to see what inspired me and what I thought could help me and other moms through the daily problems we are constantly trying to tackle. From packing the right gear to keeping organized to even taking care of ourselves daily, I found many inspiring shows and interviews to listen to. I gravitated to categories around health, sports, relationships, work, and even some comedy. I even created my first Podroll on Buzzsprout, highlighting my favorites that inspired me to go on and make the show MomShine. Below, I mention each of those shows and a particular episode from each that has stuck with me.
The Best Health, Fitness & Sports Podcasts for Parents:
- Move with Heart: Melissa Wood-Tepperberg is lovely to listen to. As a meditation teacher, certified yoga and pilates instructor, health coach, and beloved by the diverse community she’s cultivated over the years through her approach to mindfulness and fitness, I loved listening to her show as I was thinking about my own. One that stands out is S3 E50 on Unlocking Your Authentic Self Through Human Design with Jenna Zoe. The two together have great chemistry, and thinking about the energy we bring daily made me feel my energy, think about my partners, and better understand how I’m wired.
- Way of Champions: John O’Sullivan appeared in episode 103 on MomShine on Finding the Right Sports for Kids. John is a leading youth coach and international best-selling author of "Changing the Game: The Parents Guide to Raising Happy, High-Performing Athletes, and Giving Youth Sports Back to Our Kids." John told us how to pick the right mix of activities for our kids, bring back the "fun" in sports, and prevent them (and us) from burnout. An episode I love on his show to check out is #327, The Winning Ways of Women Coaches, with Cecile Renaud and Vanessa Fuchs. I gleaned so much about the latest trends from that episode, and it made me think about what I could do to get more involved with my kids’ sports and coaching. It was fascinating to learn how those stats and trends have changed since the 70’s.
- Hello Menopause: I came across this show while researching episode 104, which is all about perimenopause and menopause-related symptoms, which will drop soon. Donna Klassen, co-founder of Let’s Talk Menopause, is featured on that show and taught me so much. I learned that so many things impact our symptoms around menopause and practitioners' abilities to help us through that process. One of which I enjoyed learning about was the episode S1 E12 on “BRCA1 Positive” with Monica Molenaar. This guest co-founded Alloy, another great telehealth platform seeking to help treat menopause that is worth checking out if you are on a journey to understanding your hormone levels and options.
The Best Comedy Podcast for Parents:
- Family Trips: Are you gearing up for long holiday road trips this year? The Meyers Brothers do not disappoint with this new podcast all about celebrity family trips. I loved the episode with Nia Vardalos, the star of 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding.' I giggled through her childhood memories and learned more about Greek family dynamics. Thank you to the show Sibling Revelry by Kate and Oliver Hudson for pointing out this great show to me. I also love their show and have listened to every single episode.
The Best Relationship Podcast for Parents:
- We Can Do Hard Things: There are too many great shows I’ve listened to here, and Glennon Doyle, her sister Amanda, and Abby Wambach have an incredibly dynamic and inspiring show. I loved episode 226 on Enneagrams: Why You Are the Way You Are with Suzanne Stabile. Are you noticing a trend here? I love things with energy and light, so I plan to bring some of that to the MomShine pod.
The Best Career Podcasts for Moms:
- Rising Tide: I got put in touch with Margaret Weniger through a mutual friend and colleague, and she’s been an inspiration in leading SDR teams for many startups. She started the podcast to help other women in the career world. This episode with Frawn Morgan inspired me to learn about the latest trends in women’s health and how that can have an impact on your kids. Be sure to stay on until the end to hear her latest research, which is incredible. Can women have it all? Or do we need to re-prioritize to having the right pieces in place to fulfill us — which in turn lifts our whole family?
- 9-5-ish: This was my go-to listen for years to and from work. I loved the advice from co-founders, CEOs, and other female leaders — with hosts Carly Zakin and Danielle Weisberg to help me think about my career with the most intelligent women. And shows consistently drop on Wednesdays! I loved this episode with the Foster sisters; it’s a great episode to help you start and think about how to take career risks.
Link to my PodRoll again with all my favorite suggestions and a few others, like The goop Podcast and The Skinny Confidential, which are absolute musts in your feed. Check out our latest drop just in time for the holidays (SP106 Kids’ Favorite Holiday Traditions - Remastering Family Habits for the New Year). Happy listening!
7 Self-care Tips for Moms to Maintain a Healthy Gut
As moms, we need quick ways to help ourselves to care for the many others around us. According to research conducted by Birchbox (a beauty and wellness company) and referenced in Psychology Today, two in three people in America do not practice self-care, and only 32 percent of women say they consistently make time for it. But one small thing to hone in on that can make a huge difference in your overall health is focusing on your gut. The gut microbiota has been found to interfere with hormone secretion, estrogen levels, metabolism, immune function, and more — which impact so many perimenopause and menopause-related symptoms that result from a lack of estrogen.
I was grateful to attend the October cohort of women called Inner Piece Wellness, which focused on improving gut health. I joined to learn more in four 90-minute sessions led by my favorite Family Therapist and Founder of The Lab Method, Poly Ely, MFT, and an incredible Family Nurse Practitioner and Wellness Coach, Jill Baker.
Here are some takeaways I learned about to maintain a healthy, happy gut.
- Get a gut diagnostic panel: A great way to start your gut health journey is to get a baseline diagnostic panel done. Genova Diagnostics has excellent options, as does Voime, to see biomarkers with valuable insight into digestive function, intestinal inflammation, and the intestinal microbiome. The health of the entire body is dependent on a healthy gut and microbiome, so if you are struggling in this area it’s a great place to look into to get a baseline for what could be going on.
- Put your feet up 10 minutes a day. Sounds great, right? But this can help support your microbiome and adrenals. According to the National Library of Medicine, the microbiome is a system crucial for the successful physiological adaptation of the organism to stress. If you want to take that even a step further, MindBodyGreen says that 10 minutes with your legs up the wall (yoga style, if you will) can stimulate digestion, help you de-bloat, ease headache and anxiousness, and aid in a better night's sleep.
- Keep a high polyphenol diet: eat as many seeds, nuts, and purple potatoes as possible. Studies have shown that individuals with Leaky Gut Syndrome are more likely to experience hormonal imbalances, including low estrogen levels. The National Library of Medicine offers that getting enough polyphenols can help you get in front of this problem, as estrogen starts to decrease with age. Polyphenols — the highest in good olive oil — are a great place to start! Amphora Nueva was recommended as a great vendor for olive oil that meets these standards.
- Follow what they do in the blue zones: They move, have a sense of purpose, only eat to 80% of feeling full, have a plant-based diet, have low stress, moderate alcohol intake, connect with the community, put family first, and choose social circles with healthy behaviors. Watch Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones on Netflix for further inspiration. Dan Buettner (an American National Geographic Fellow, New Times best-selling author, and three-time Guinness record holder for endurance cycling) narrates and highlights these fantastic communities in this series.
- Eat six palms full of greens daily, equaling 50g of fiber. Firmicutes (which aid in carbohydrate metabolism) and bacteroids (which assist in functions like energy production and conversion as well as amino acid transport and metabolism in addition to carbohydrate metabolism) help to maintain the gut lining. According to Atlas Biomed, obesity is associated with higher amounts of firmicutes and fewer bacteroidetes, so both are highly important as you hone in on gut health.
- Focus on the quality of your gut lining: speaking of gut lining, if too much passes through, it can lead to inflammation. L-glutamine can help seal the lining of the gut and reduce inflammation, but it’s essential to discuss this option with a medical professional before taking it. Also, BitterX by Quicksilver Scientific or good old apple cider vinegar can be a game-changer before you eat and a safer hack to try first.
- Take pre- and pro-biotics: Prebiotics are the fuel that supports good bacteria in the gut. These are high-fiber, starchy, and non-starchy vegetables. Probiotics are living cultures that help support the diversity and health of the gut microbiome overall. Probiotics also only work with a high-fiber diet (i.e., 50g of fiber daily) and are found in living cultures. Remember, since these are living bacteria, they must be in the refrigerated section to have the desired effect. And when in doubt, here are lists of healthy foods in each category below.
Prebiotic Foods:
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Probiotic Foods:
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Deepak Chopra recently said inflammation is ‘the number one pandemic of our time.’ Getting in front of it through a healthy gut and a plant-based diet with whole foods can help lower inflammation across the entire body. These simple tips can help you reduce your risk for diabetes, heart disease, and even depression. For more reference on how food can even play into the behavioral health of our kids, check out episode 102 of Food is Mood on the MomShine podcast. I interviewed scientist Kumi Nagamoto at the University of North Dakota, and we dive into silent food allergies, what to look out for when these inflammatory effects don’t show typical allergy symptoms, and how to ensure our kids eat a well-rounded, healthy diet.
7 Time Management Questions on Kids’ Activities Answered
For juggling the constant kids’ activities conundrum and wondering if we’re picking the right things for our kids, I needed to pull in an expert—queue John O’Sullivan. I interviewed him in episode 103 on the pod and wanted to capture the goodness of this interview here as well.
John has been around sports his whole life. He grew up in New York as the typical multi-sport kid and, as a child, played anything and everything that was in season. He decided to lock into soccer as his primary sport in high school and played Division One in college. He played professionally and coached for four years at the University of Vermont. For the last 20 years, he’s been involved in youth soccer — first in Michigan and then for the previous 17 in Central Oregon.
As you can tell, his passions and credentials in sports proceed him. Ten years ago, he launched a few best-selling books, online courses, and the Changing the Game project — where he wanted to give back beyond just his team. The goal is to give kids the best youth sports experience possible. Here are my top learnings from our interview to bring the fun back to the crazy juggle of kids and their never-ending activities.
1- What makes some athletes and coaches thrive more than others?
John hosted his annual Way of Champions summit, where they discussed kids' inner game and that meditation can be essential to practice, even in our youth. Teaching kids how to center themselves, stay calm under pressure, and be present at each game are excellent skills that help them when they're young. As a coach, it’s really about being a servant leader, assessing each kid’s needs, and seeing what the team needs to succeed.
2- What can the US learn from Norway, which surpassed any other country with gold medals at the last Olympics?
In Norway, they removed economic barriers, and 93% of children grow up playing organized sports, which is phenomenal because the cost is low. Travel teams are not formed until the teenage years — imagine that! The country found its way onto the radar at the Winter Olympics Games in Pyongyang, South Korea, where Norway, a nation of just 5.3 million, won more than 39 medals.
John feels you can break down the takeaway here into three small phrases: as many kids as possible, as long as possible, in the best environment possible. That's the secret to a great sports system right there. He recognizes that in many countries worldwide, especially in Europe, the government funds youth sports, not individual families. So they pay a small fee, but the government supports the clubs to provide these types of programs. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case here in the U.S.. Still, instead of paying expensive club fees at young ages, the key takeaway from this model is letting kids experience as many sports as possible and holding off on higher-level sports events (i.e., championships) until later, so it’s more about sports sampling and development and less about winning.
3 - How do you prevent your child from burning out on kids’ activities?
John’s most extensive advice for parents of young kids is that the younger your child is, the more able they are to sample sports. Don’t get sucked into one or two too young because it only gets harder to test later on. So, helping your child find something that they're passionate about instead of trying to determine it for them immediately is enormous.
Playing multiple sports early on is about learning physical literacy — the ABCs of running, jumping, catching, throwing, skipping, hopping, running backward, and tracking balls through the air. These are learned skills. More sports develop a better all-around athlete who can jump into multiple sports later on and be comfortable. But if you don't develop the athlete first and then the technical soccer or lacrosse player second, they don't produce the athleticism to compete at higher levels later.
My favorite analogy from John is that parents should consider themselves their kids’ general contractors. You have to oversee all your child's activities in their life and make all those decisions, especially in cases where kids show an early ability. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just say, "That sounds great. But no, we're going to play basketball." Or "That sounds great. But no, it's grandma's 80th birthday, and we're going to that." This is important because the soccer and basketball coaches may be phenomenal, but they aren’t aware of what your kid does outside those four to eight hours a week. It’s up to the parent to ensure you are building a well-rounded athlete at the end of the day who loves sports but doesn’t let it control their lives.
4 - What life lessons get missed when sports get too competitive too soon?
Sports should be about learning to be selfless, give and not just get, work with others, etc. Learning to be humble and work hard are great gifts that sports can teach kids. When the focus turns away from that and is on winning, for instance — those lessons can get compromised, and that's when the problems start. It’s all about matching kids in suitable sporting environments that align with the values they want for their kids.
One of John’s proudest moments was during a recent loss, watching his son console a teammate and pick up trash after the game. It's easy to act in a certain way when everything's falling your way, but your true character emerges when adversity hits. Sports can either be used to develop that type of character or not. These blocks are critical to helping kids handle anything that comes their way later in life.
5 - How does pop culture affect the winning mentality in many kids’ activities?
Pop culture and its values have changed. For instance, popular shows while we were growing up were Growing Pains, Full House, Family Ties, and more. Nowadays, kids are watching more competitive shows like Is it Cake?, Floor is Lava and Sugar Rush. Then, add in the culture of social media, where likes and engagement play into kids' self-esteem, and we have a current culture built more around achievement than growth. Teaching kids that each player plays a different role can help keep them grounded.
6 - What is a reasonable amount of activities a kid should participate in each season?
Every child is an individual; some can handle more, and some need more time off. If you have a daughter who always wanted to be involved in something 24/7 and a son who just needs to unwind and have time to himself — recognize that. The number John heard years ago is an excellent benchmark to try to work around, and it is to have no more hours of organized activity per week than their age. So, a six-year-old would have six hours of sports per week, and an eight-year-old would have eight hours per week, including game times.
7 - At what age should they be playing to win, and what learnings should they gain at each age?
There are seven stages referenced in the Changing the Game book that are helpful for parents. The LTAD Model comes from Canada and is a training, competition, and recovery framework for athletes at all stages of life. Some basics I learned about by age and sequence are covered below.
Stage | Ages | What should they be learning? |
Stage 1 Active Start | 0-6 yrs | The ABCs (Agility, Balance, Coordination) of movement. |
Stage 2 FUNdamentals | Girls 6-8
Boys 6-9 |
They learn to have fun, work on their skills, and participate in multiple sports simultaneously. |
Stage 3 Learn to Train | Girls 8-11 Boys 9-12 | Juggling 2 to 3 sports simultaneously and converting fundamental movement into basic sports skills. |
Stage 4 Train to Train | Girls 11-15 Boys 12-16 | Developing good habits to promote sports skills. |
Stage 5 Train to Compete | Girls 15-21 Boys 16-23 | Picking a sport to train to excel in. |
Stage 6 Train to Win | Girls >18 Boys >19 | How to become a full-time athlete. |
Stage 7 Active for Life | Any age | How to be active in life. |
One fascinating study looked at the percentage of elite-level junior performers who were still elite-level performers as seniors across various sports. The results were analyzed from 110 prospective studies with 38,000 elite junior athletes to determine how many achieved success when they became seniors. The biggest category is in Olympic sports like track and field, cycling, and swimming. The results showed that the most successful juniors don’t always become successful senior athletes. Only 7% did. Instead, the article says to focus on training to maximize intermediate performance to sustain long-term improvement in young athletes.
Final Thoughts: Time Management as it Relates to Kids’ Activities
Focusing on the stages of development instead of just winning at young ages can help. Also, varying positions and teaching versatility can make a significant impact. The key for most sports is for kids to read the field and understand positioning. That can serve them across many sports and is another excellent skill to learn early on.
Last but not least, a fantastic app called MOJO can help. You put in your age, the number of kids, and how many hours of practice a week, and boom — it spits out your sessions for you. I also recently learned about a program in the South Bay called Instacoach, which was founded by local athletes who wanted to create more opportunities for young athletes to connect with college and professional athletes. These men and women are amazing mentors who can help your kids build skills and develop a passion for their sport in a fun, encouraging environment. Our MomShine community gets a special discount using the link to get $25 at checkout, and I can’t say enough wonderful things about this program.
Change it up and have fun as you build an athlete who loves sports for life. Listen to the interview, including how more moms can get involved in coaching and gain more inspiration to bring the fun back to the endless juggle of kids and sports.
How One Mom Pivoted Her Career to Create More Work-Life Balance
Inspirational Mom Story: How One Mom Pivoted Her Career to Create More Work-Life Balance
I sat down with a mom friend who had a successful career in Corporate America and, like myself, needed to pause to focus on her family when her little one got sick. She warned me that it would not be easy when I joined the same path. That was the first year I’d struggled to find my identity outside of work, and boy, was she right. I leaned on her advice weekly, which gave me hope when she returned to her job after a long hiatus and even pursued a passion side hustle in the interim that was successful.
But career pivots are sometimes needed and necessary for moms especially. According to a LinkedIn study of 23K workers, over half (56%) of employees say they acquired or improved skills — such as problem-solving, communication, and budgeting — during a career break. And over half (54%) of women say they are better at their job than before.
Here is our Q&A about how taking a career pause felt during that time and her advice on getting through it.
Q: At what age were your kids when you decided to take a career break?
I was at my company for 17 years doing business consulting with external clients and also held internal roles as Chief of Staff and Finance Manager. My last role was an alliance role, managing a global alliance with one of our largest clients. I traveled to India, London, the Netherlands, the US, and globally to help build a joint go-to-market strategy between our organizations.
During the time in the alliance role, my daughter was born. Around 2018, she started getting these cyclical fevers every month. The fevers spiked to 105 and 106, and there was no reason why these fevers kept happening. The pediatrician kept telling me she was fighting a virus, but no one else in the house was getting sick, and she was not in daycare. I was missing so much work to care for her, and not being home was getting stressful. So I quit to care for her and be home with my kids.
Q: How long after leaving work did you decide to start your own company?
My work was my life. It was a big part of my identity, and I didn't realize HOW big it was until I quit. And so when I left, it was almost like I lost myself. It took me a while to get used to my new ‘normal’, and the first six months were hard. I didn't know what I wanted to do and needed clarity. I love my kids but wasn't used to always being home with them. So, I worked with a life coach, Sandra Posing. She's phenomenal. She helped me to take a step back and prioritize what was most important to me. And that's the one step I should have done while at work full-time.
Stopping to ask myself:
- What are your priorities, both in business and in life?
- What do I want, and what do I love to do?
- What is my passion?
- If I could do anything in the world, what would I do?
I started to dig deep, and I've always loved making floral arrangements. It's been a passion of mine, but I would do them for my house, and everyone would come over and say, you should start a business. And I was like, oh - that’s it! While working through my coach, I realized I could turn my passion into a business while still caring for my family.
Q: Once you decided to start a floral business, how did you manage your priorities when creating your own company?
My number one priority was my kids. I wanted to be a present mother. I wanted to go to their baseball games. I want to take them to ballet practice. I want to see them grow. I want to be there to help them with their homework. And so, identifying those priorities and then understanding my passion was starting this new business for me. Once I was in the driver's seat and my kids’ calendars took priority, I could easily understand which orders I could fulfill and which would be too much. I managed the workload that worked for me, and I couldn’t have that freedom at the time with my role in Corporate America.
Q: How did you develop the right approach to starting your business?
I read the book Ten Year Plan by the founder of Tender Greens. He wrote about how it is tough to please everyone. You have your investors, you have your customers, you have your partners. But if you constantly stay centered on a human-centric customer relationship, and yes, profit means something, but it doesn't mean everything if you want to grow your brand. For instance, giving a 10% discount just so that I ensured customers loved it and would return helped me grow my brand. I've been very fortunate enough to have many clients return, and I have a few subscription clients I do weekly. It fell into place. And it falls into place if you have your priorities and goals defined and set up front and don't flex them.
Q: What came next in building a tremendous floral business?
Once my customer was defined, I created my website. I hired a website developer. I got professional brand photography, where they took pictures of my work and then of me, and we put them all on our website. And so, really, the most significant lift for me was my website and then understanding the e-commerce side. How was I going to get paid without a brick-and-mortar shop? You have to rely on technology. So, I researched Square, Stripe, PayPal, etc. I went with Square because it was so easy and user-friendly. Everything, for me, had to be client-centric. It should be one touch simple and easy to order. And so, a good portion of my business start-up capital was used to build my website, and the rest was working capital. I made everything I put into my business back in one year!
Q: Back to your daughter — how is she doing now?
Fast forward two years, and we found out my daughter has a periodic fever syndrome. They're very rare; unfortunately, little research has been done to find the cause. Interestingly, there has been an uptick in the diagnosis of periodic fever syndromes after the pandemic, as many kids have been getting fevers for no reason. Given we were under lockdown and kids were not mingling at school, viruses were no longer a reason for the fevers. Hopefully, this will spark a case for more research on the causes and treatment for periodic fever syndromes, as it was such a challenge navigating our healthcare system to find answers for why my baby was so sick every month! We finally got to a great rheumatologist, where we met with many experts and received a diagnosis. After that, we created a plan to remove her tonsils and adenoids once she was old enough. So we had the surgery right after they started lifting the COVID restrictions, and she's been fever-free ever since.
Q: What’s next, and what advice do you have for moms going through similar situations?
In an odd turn, my employer returned to me after a 5-year hiatus and offered me a similar role with less travel. I took it, and it felt so good to come back. With the skills I had gained in growing my own business, I could now apply them within my role. For any career mom going through this, I’d offer that finding your community and sounding boards to help you create something for yourself will be challenging and different. Don’t lose yourself; find skills and flexible work that can work for you during that time. It all works out in the end, and you might gain other skills you couldn’t have by just doing the same thing. Think outside the box and keep your priorities clear.
My Thoughts on Creating a New Career Path
This is one of the many stories that inspired me to take the plunge and create something for myself when my son got sick. I thought about all my skills—friends who could help me and what I wanted to make for myself to fuel my passion each day. Part of that first step was ironing out the feasible amount of hours I could dedicate to it each week with limited help.
I also considered gaps in my experience and where to invest in myself. I needed to be laser-clear on clients who would work for me after saying yes to many who did not. By ironing out my priorities and not jumping the gun, I finally created a work-life balance that worked better for my family and filled my cup. Community is also important! The workout crews I formed saved me from bouncing ideas and having an outlet for my thoughts each week as I reinvented my identity outside of full-time work.
One place I immediately started as I set up to be the chief officer of our home was Parent School. There is a portable version for anyone to take it now. I wanted to be clear and consistent once I was at the helm each week. Check out that first episode about my favorite mantra and how it led me to create more calm at home and to start MomShine.
4 Mom Survival Tips That Help During Menopause
"I don't think of getting older as looking better or worse; it's just different. You change, and that's okay." – Heidi Klum, TV Host
As a woman entering my forties, I need all the help I can get related to hormone changes while parenting little ones through it. Most days, I get bouts of fatigue that feel intolerable, if not impossible, to power through—couple that with taking on more parenting responsibilities that are downright exhausting on their own and it can feel daunting getting through most days. I was glad a seminar popped up in my inbox to help.
The seminar was called Inner Piece Wellness on Metabolism and Menopause, and I joined a cohort of women to learn more about it each week in four 90-minute sessions led by my favorite Family Therapist and Founder of The Lab Method, Polly Ely, MFT, and an incredible Family Nurse Practitioner and Wellness Coach, Jill Baker. I went each week to get in front of all the body changes that I was experiencing every month that continued to progress and feel worse. Here are four takeaways I’ll lean on to get through my perimenopausal journey.
1) Work out to build muscles and bone density
According to the National Institute of Health, we lose a 3-8% average of muscle mass each decade after age 30. Couple that with becoming insulin resistant as our cortisol and estrogen take a mind of their own, and it can lead to endless fatigue and brain fog. With all that, glucose sits in our bodies longer, turning into fat. In addition to that, research indicates that up to 20% of bone loss can happen during menopause, and approximately 1 in 10 women over 60 are affected by osteoporosis worldwide. Since estrogen helps prevent bones from weakening by slowing the natural breakdown of bone, its reduction during menopause significantly speeds up bone loss.
One way to ward off this vicious cycle is to focus more on building muscle a few days a week, protecting your bones and muscles from injury during this time. This means heavier weight and fewer reps within your workouts. It means working each muscle to exhaustion but for less time and heavier weight each time as you increase and repeat. This research comes from Dr. Stacey Sims in her lab, which found that it's far more effective to go heavy and harder with weights 2-3 days a week than to over-focus on cardio, where we put our muscle mass at risk and drive our cortisol up. She says on her website, How to Power Your Way Through Menopause: “During menopause, we lose the strength-building stimulus from estrogen.”
Dr. Sims also advocates for plyometrics, which can stimulate bone AND muscle building. Plyometric training involves short, intense bursts of activity that target fast-twitch muscle fibers in the lower body. They can help with the physiological changes and help build bone strength, which we also lose during the menopausal transition. You can say hello to box jumps and burpees, which are ideal. Pounding and running are also suitable for bones as they create vibration. You can think of it as waking up some otherwise quiet genes inside your muscle cells to further improve the composition. And lastly — take days off! According to Jill, “The muscle-building process should be two to three hard workouts per week to avoid injury and give your body the time it needs to recover.”
What can women do about it?
Shift your workouts to building muscle versus getting lean. Cardio workouts are great and have a place, but as you age, strength and muscle-building workouts become far more essential to avoid injury and other joint aches and pain that come with menopause. Regarding your bone strength, requesting a DEXA scan from your healthcare professional once a decade was encouraged. Osteoporosis is a silent disease that can be extremely hard to detect. A DEXA scan can help gauge if you are at risk or if you could be silently experiencing the disorder.
Lastly, as hormones in the body change or deplete, it’s also important to start incorporating daily vitamins like D, calcium, zinc, collagen, and even copper, which aids collagen absorption. As always, consult your practitioner, but these are all good brands and doses that I took note of:
- Vitamin D 1000-2000 IU; be sure to take earlier in the day for optimal effects
- Calcium 1200 mg/day; a good brand is Thorne, which includes magnesium as well
- Collagen. Jill says to beware if it says more than 20g/day in a dose, as it’s unnecessary. Also, bovine, marine sources or poultry sources are preferred. Fortibone is a proven collagen supplement with data to back it available in Sparkle's collagen for bones. If ordering through Momentus, you can enter jillbakerwellness at checkout for a special discount.
2) Eat more protein
We need 1.8 grams per kg of body weight. If you are at 127 lbs, that's 102 grams of protein daily, for example. Jenn Salib Huber talks about menopause nutrition on her website and advises clients to think about protein as a starring role in food to help them not get bogged down on counting protein portions per meal. “For example, a breakfast with 3/4 cup of greek yogurt would provide [15-25 gm] of protein as oatmeal with added peanut butter, chia and flax,” she writes.
The American College of Sports Medicine reports that at least half your weight in grams of protein per day is the minimum needed to maintain and build muscle. That can be anywhere from 3-5 pieces of meat daily — which most days can be hard to come by without some planning involved. Jill recommends at least 30 grams of protein directly after a workout to get the desired effect for muscle building, too. If you can’t get the suitable protein needed 30 minutes before or after training, take MAP amino acids, which help to boost optimal protein levels. Though this won't get you to your protein goals, it will provide the building blocks for you until you can eat a more complete protein later.
What women can do about it?
Make an easy protein cheat sheet with familiar foods you like eating to determine if you are hitting your daily protein goals. My sample protein cheat sheet from a few Googles is below:
- Two eggs: 20 g protein
- One tbsp of peanut butter: 4 g protein
- Two scoops of hemp seeds: 10 g protein
- One Fairlife protein shake: 30 g protein *I love these, and Costco carries them
- One can of tuna: 42 g protein (average small can 21 g)
- Three slices of turkey: 24 g protein
- One large piece of salmon: 40 g of protein
- One chicken breast: 43 g protein
- One piece of filet mignon: 28 g protein
3) Focus on getting good sleep
According to the National Sleep Foundation, approximately 61% of menopausal women have sleep problems. Deep sleep can be hard to get but helps with processing testosterone and growth hormones, which also aid with building muscle. Grace Pien, M.D., M.S.C.E., an assistant professor of medicine at Johns Hopkins Sleep Disorders Center, says, “Many women experience sleep problems during perimenopause, the period before menopause when hormone levels and menstrual periods become irregular.” Often, this sticks around through the transition and afterward, but there is help.
Pien continues that women should aim for seven and eight hours of sleep quality or uninterrupted sleep per night. Hot flashes can also play a part and be an unpleasant sensation, but they are common. Pien further explains that women wake before the hot flash occurs due to changes in the brain that lead to the hot flash itself. But, even women without “hot flashes” report sleep disturbances that they didn’t experience before. Sleep apnea can also occur due to the loss of reproductive hormones like progesterone and estrogen. “Post-menopausal women are two to three times more likely to have sleep apnea than premenopausal women,” says Pien. Depression and anxiety can also come into play with sleep deprivation.
What women can do about it?
Grab yourself an Oura ring and think about meditation before bed. Do what you can to get long stretches of sleep, and take it easy during the days when you can’t. You can become a ‘one less thing’ kind of girl versus a ‘one more thing’ girl and take something off that never-ending to-do list.
4) Fast for your brain
Two times the number of women develop Alzheimer’s versus men. Many factors play in. For one, we live longer than men on average, and Alzheimer’s develops at later ages. But menopause also causes some shifts that play a part, too. Recent studies find that the brain could be the leading cause of symptoms throughout menopause versus our ovaries.
So what’s going on? One shift is our brain volume lessens as we age. It also becomes more focused on shifting from glucose focus to lipid (i.e., fat) focus as estrogen, responsible for moving glucose into cells, starts to decrease. But even the age you go into menopause can play a part. One hundred and fifty thousand women entered a study in the UK and found that women who go into menopause at 45 or younger are at more significant risk for memory loss.
What women can do about it?
This may sound cheesy, but playing games like cards with your kids can significantly help improve your chances for less memory loss. Also, a simple mechanism of adopting a fasting routine can help. Fasting for 12-18 hour intervals, which can coincide with sleep, allows the clean-up crew to come in. Cells start regenerating in ways they can’t do otherwise, which wards off autophagy, a natural cell degradation.
You can also tweak any fasting routine to fit your social lifestyle, but even trying to do this four days a week can play a significant role in helping your body and mind stay sharp. An incredible diagram by Dr. Dale Bredesen can be found in The End of Alzheimer’s book and is copied below for another easy cheat sheet to think about food and daily diet for the mind.
Final Thoughts: Things I’ll Do Differently to Aid with Menopause
Connecting with your deeply held and uncomfortable emotions is essential as irritability increases. The sad news with menopause or perimenopause symptoms is that it can lead to grief. We now must grapple with the grief that our “prime” is over, that we don’t feel the way we used to, and that phases of our life that we loved are over. We struggle to feel the same way we used to, that our bodies might not look the same, and that things that used to excite us suddenly seem gray.
One way to help this grief is to connect with those deeper emotions underneath and any feelings you might be experiencing. Stop plowing through a to-do list that might get you all jacked up feeling so productive, and add in a pause to see what feelings you could be shoving down or avoiding as a result. Compulsive busyness can protect us from feeling the deep emotions that come with this new phase of life. Instead, slow down and give those feelings space to be released through tears to return to feeling vital and alive. When in doubt, lean on this cheat sheet and research products I noted that can help during this time. As always, check with medical professionals or someone you trust to ensure these remedies are right for you.
- Revaree is a hyaluronic acid vaginal moisturizer to use in between intercourse.
- Uberlube is a silicone-based lube that doesn’t create further dryness.
- Intrarosa needs a prescription but is the only vaginal non-estrogen treatment for moderate to severe painful sex during menopause. It does contain DHEA, which can be converted into estrogen in the body, so be sure to discuss it with a professional.
- Madorra is a breakthrough home device that uses ultrasonic waves along the vaginal canal to help with lubrication.
- Clearblue Menopause Indicator is brand new on the market to assess where you are in your menopause journey. It is only beneficial if you can do it repeatedly to gauge where you are in the process.
- Oura Ring is a fantastic product that helps track sleep, fitness goals, and even cycle management to help during perimenopause.
The Let's Talk Menopause website also has a menopause-trained providers page to find someone trained to treat these symptoms.
4 Easy Ways to Help Your Body During Menopause | |
Eat more protein — 1.8 grams per kg of body weight | Focus on muscle and bone-building exercises |
Pick a period to fast for your brain — 12-18 hours each day | Try to get 7-8 hours of quality sleep per night |
Liver, A Miracle Supplement for New Moms: Here’s Why
I kept hearing about liver as a miracle supplement in many podcasts I listened to. It all came to a head when a dear friend brought it up as a wonder pill she took to get through postpartum. Yep - it was liver! She explained that when she married her husband, she joined a family deeply rooted in Asian culture, and that expanded her learning about culinary routines, traditions, and wellness, especially after giving birth to four kids in five years. Yes, you read that right. Four kids in five years!
As her mother-in-law of Chinese descent helped care for her during this time, she would make traditional Chinese dishes for her post-delivery. This included nourishing broths with traditional herbs and ingredients that replenished her blood, chi, and more. According to Dr. Serrallach, most new mothers often lack crucial vitamins to function, like iron, vitamin B12, zinc, vitamin C, vitamin D, magnesium, and copper.
One thing I was shocked about as she told me about liver was that it had many benefits to help cure these deficiencies after birth. It even helps kids who might be deficient in these areas. According to WebMD, the liver is one of the most nutritionally dense foods on the planet, with significant amounts of iron, riboflavin, vitamin B12, vitamin A, and copper, and can be incredibly beneficial when consumed in the right quantities. Eating a single serving a few times a week can help you meet your daily recommended amounts of these vitamins and minerals, reducing your risk of nutrient deficiency.
Did you know that some sources suggest your baby's first food should be organic liver? Solid Starts recommends beef and chicken liver, which babies need for building immune systems, eye development, and skincare. Yet if in high amounts, it is not recommended, so knowing the right amount and type of liver is critical.
I first read more material about this miracle organ and supplement that now a good friend had claimed worked. She recommended the book Super Nutrition for Babies to me, and I was inspired by their recommendations for building good nutrition habits in the first 24 months. I then researched reputable vendors that provided high-quality and organic sources of the liver. Knowing that New Zealand provides a clean source of meat, my friend came across Enviromenica, which offers organic capsules to try and sprinkles onto my kids’ food to provide them with the benefits without them noticing. So, during those first few months and years after birth, she ate the traditional Chinese dishes her mother-in-law provided, incorporating these liver capsules, and felt terrific!
The benefits of eating beef or chicken liver once to a few times per week are:
- Feeling balanced, calm, and nourished.
- Having clarity of mind.
- Enjoying better sleep.
I also checked with my pediatrician, nutritionist, and compounding pharmacist. They agreed that giving to kids every so often was okay to aid with sleep, avoid colds, and boost energy throughout the day.
So the next time you feel deficient in some of these areas — try liver! One of my favorite local spots in Marin (The Farm Shop) serves it on the menu. And it was delicious. As always, consult your doctor on the right product and amounts for you and if you want your little one to enjoy it.
Parent School Part III: 4 Ways to Reset with Solid Family Rules
Let’s be honest: getting kids to follow your rules is sometimes hard, if not impossible. That’s why I attended Polly Elly’s 7-part series called Parent School. This particular session got me thinking about my own rules for my kids, and I appreciated the examples and learnings shared throughout the session. Here’s what I learned.
Polly’s Short List of Family Rules:
- Refusal to participate
- Deliberate breaking of a known rule
- Taunting, teasing, mocking, or intimidating another
- Mistreatment of self, people, or things
- Any form of physical violence
According to Polly, having a 5-minute family meeting is critical to go over these rules. How awful is it when a child asks a parent about a practice, and the response is: Because I said so. As a kid nowadays, it’s critical to draw clear lines and explain why the rules exist and what happens when and if we break them. It’s much more gratifying to them and allows them to connect with it and learn how to course-correct it in the future, which will involve much more explaining and repairing.
Now let’s dive into how Polly explained ways to implement these rules.
1) Keep the Morning Routine Simple
Polly says to keep it simple in the morning and only have a list of 3-4 things your kid needs to do before school. You can always help them with the rest. This might entail getting ready, brushing teeth and/or hair, packing their school bag, and eating a solid breakfast. Anything else could be considered bonus points for them that you can praise and reward later.
Another fun exercise Polly recommends is creating bases for each task so they can “run the bases” in the morning. Your kiddo can also feel empowered to do these bases in whatever order they choose to. And be sure to let them lead you around these bases and tell you what happens next. “I see you have your shoes on. Now, what base are you going to do next?” Polly says. This makes the mornings much more fun and less stressful when they are empowered to complete the tasks you set out for them to do. I now ask my kids in the morning: Did you hit a homerun? Nice work running through all those bases today.
2) Put an Immediate Halt to “Bully Behavior”
It’s critical to create a safe environment for kids and draw a hard line on any bullying behavior in the family. Polly says the second she saw this in her own family, she’d stop whatever they were doing and say: “That is bully behavior and not who you are. You’ll have to find another way.” Hurting people or animals is quite simply not okay.
For kids, it’s not about teaching perfection but teaching them to own why we are where we are. In social moments, you can teach them hand signals when struggling so they don’t act out. “Some items are necessary to enforce, such as when they react frustrated with you or your rules. It’s most important to teach them that it’s okay to be peaceful even when you are mad,” says Polly. Essentially, you’re teaching them to feel their feelings instead of acting out on them, which is when most bullying behavior occurs. And when it happens, go back and have them make a repair and plan for next time. Lastly, please have a safe space where they can talk and express themselves freely when upset. These steps will help ensure that bullying behavior immediately stops in your home.
3) Be Consistent When a Family Rule Gets Broken
When completing a task like cleaning their room, freeze when someone isn’t pulling their weight. Every mess that gets made or broken gets put back together. When rules get broken, have consequences for their actions and be consistent. One easy way is a 10-minute chore “chip” or work time with you on the weekend.
Regarding sharing, you can have a young child pick 5-7 things to label with fun colored tape, but the rest is for everyone. Have rules that are easy for them to understand and maintain. In this example of sharing, the power is that everything in our house is for everyone, but you can pick a few items that are just special to you.
4) Successfully Teaching Your Kids the Rhythm of Life
Edit the family rules to your liking and have a family meeting to discuss the plan with your kids going forward. “We work, then we play,” says Polly. Take breaks and teach them the rhythm of life. There can’t be consequences for bad moods or feelings, though. Polly says: “You can be in a bad mood, but you can’t be mean.” My kids now repeat this line to me when I’m in a bad mood, causing me to reflect on how I take out my attitude on my kids.
Lastly, tell them it takes years to be a kind person who tells the truth, significantly when that truth might change what another person thinks about them. Life is hard, but with these simple rules at home — you can teach them that it can also be a lot of fun once you find the right rhythm.
To learn more about Polly Elly’s Lab Method and Parent School, visit her website.